One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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