If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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