we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
