I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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