Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
