Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
