he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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