since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your penis caused this!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
