For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize