this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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