You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
