I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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