I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
