Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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