You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I want her autograph on my taint
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
