my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We had sex on a dog bed..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
