she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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