Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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