im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
