Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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