We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
