girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
