Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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