fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
