her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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