The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
