and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
