Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
