I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
