My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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