i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
