I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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