i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize