Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
