ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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