just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
