AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
