i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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