just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
