Is it because I queefed?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
