Can Purell be used as lube?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
