Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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