I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
