it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
