Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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