He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Who died my cat blue again?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
