i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
