Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
