Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
