do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
