How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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