I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
