He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
