I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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