I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
