dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
