I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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