i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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