Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize