are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's just like the Real World with babies
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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