i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
