I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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