She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
