When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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