you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
