Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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