She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
