and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
