He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
God, I missed his penis.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
