How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
