your thong is hanging out like whoa
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
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today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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