I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
