omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
