blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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