mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
