Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
