Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
