My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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