Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
