i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
