so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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