I CAN MOONWALK!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
