And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
